Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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