My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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