I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
