after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
