Define "chronic" masturbator.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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