I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
