I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
