Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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