Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
