Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
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Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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