Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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