True but thats because hes a fetus.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
My penis needs a shock collar
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
