At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize
