turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
