I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
