She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
