Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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