The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
