"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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