Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
