Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i drank out of a bidet.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Randomize
