i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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