you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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