we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Someone shattered a urinal.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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