No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
