her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
