Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
