So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
