Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
