I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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