WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
that's an acceptable place to lick
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
