Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
