I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
