I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
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