thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
