this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He shit in the fireplace
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
