they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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