I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
