dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
well most of my day revolves around power hour
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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