he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
