your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
one might say we're banned from that church
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
