Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
