My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
