My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
