Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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