She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
