Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
