Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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