I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
