If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
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