The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
