We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
...so i touched it.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
