speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
